CALM

Calm is the opposite of chaos.

Which way do you want to live?

Which way are you currently living?

You don't have to live with stuff everywhere. You don't have to live with mess and disorder and an endless tidal wave of things spilling out from every closet, drawer, cupboard, and tabletop.

You can create a calm atmosphere, a sense of serenity, peace, beauty.

"HOW?!" you ask. "I work full-time. My house is a mess. I have too many commitments. I can't keep up with it all!"

You are absolutely right: you can't keep up with it all. Humans were not made to withstand constant stress. You know instinctively that clutter causes stress. So today, you are going to GET RID OF SOME STRESS.

Three is an easy number to remember, so search for and THROW AWAY three of the following items. (You can copy and paste this list into a Word document and use it as a checklist for yourself. Then THROW AWAY THE LIST WHEN YOU'RE DONE. You don't need more paper clutter.) Go get a big trash bag.

Start in the bathroom. Throw away:

• three bottles of things you never use anymore
• three expired cosmetics
• three ratty washcloths

Now to your bedroom. Throw away:

• three pairs of ratty underwear
• three pairs of worn socks
• three T-shirts you haven't worn in over a year
• three pairs of shoes that look grimy (think worn out flip flops, tired running shoes, sandals you've had since junior high)

To the kitchen. Throw away:

• three stupid refrigerator magnets you thought were cool at the time
• three expired boxes or cans of food (you have some, so LOOK!)
• three chipped plates or cups
• three phone books or catalogs (you know you have some on the counter or stashed in a drawer somewhere)
• three disgusting rags or sponges underneath the sink
  

To the living room. Throw away:

• three magazines
  
• three catalogs
• three pet or kid toys that never get played with anymore
• three dead or dying plants or flower arrangements

To a closet (pick one). Throw away:

• three gift bags you'll never re-use
• three empty boxes you're saving to use to send Christmas presents
• three stupid things (you have more, but limit it to three)
  

Now tie up that trash bag, and take it out of your home.

Don't you feel better already?

"OK, I do, but now I have momentum and I want to do more."

Great! So now that you have a burst of energy, put it to good use and CLEAR OFF AS MANY FLAT SURFACES AS POSSIBLE. Long stretches of uncluttered flat surfaces create a sense of calm, even if the floor needs mopping or the frig needs cleaning out. That's my biggest housekeeping secret.

• So go make your bed quickly. Don't make hospital corners, just make it up so it looks nice.
  

• Wipe down and put away the toaster, blender, coffee pot, and KitchenAid that are sitting on your counters.

• Clear off the coffee table and put three things back on it.

Now relax and experience a little CALM in your mind and spirit today!

The Hard Stuff

Some things are easy to let go of: old newspapers, expired medications, dried out pens, fossilized dish sponges, jeans with holes in the knees. Getting rid of these things is a no-brainer.

But what about the hard stuff? What about those objects that you have such a tremendous emotional attachment to, that you don't want to think about at all? You don't want to see or use them, but you don't want to get rid of them. This is the hard stuff.

Your wedding dress (from your first marriage).
The dated artwork you bought with your very first royalty check.
The necklace your ex-boyfriend bought you for your birthday 12 years ago.
The fancy paperweight your boss gave you at your first "professional" job.
Your maternity clothes (your youngest is finishing up her bachelor's degree).
Camping gear you don't use anymore (but used every summer for 9 years).
China your grandmother gave you.
A piano your childhood mentor willed to you.
The clothes your late husband wore.
The baby crib and car seat from your child who died of SIDS.

This is the hard stuff.

These things represent a lost dream, a treasured relationship, a milestone along your path in this world. Such emotional ties BIND you to these objects. It's all really just STUFF you need to get rid of. But it's very difficult to do. You're not sure you're ready to let it go.

You know what? YOU CAN DO DIFFICULT THINGS. You already have:

It was difficult to file the divorce after years of suffering his abuse.
It was difficult to write that book over the course of 14 months.
It was difficult to walk with dignity once your boyfriend left you for someone else.
It was difficult to spend four years working on your degree and then land that coveted job.
It was darn difficult to bear and raise your daughter, and to put her through college.
It was difficult to take four kids camping every summer, but you knew it was good for them.
It was difficult to watch your grandmother slowly succumb to Alzheimer's.
It was difficult to learn piano from that grumpy teacher who loved you like his own child.
It was beyond difficult to merely get out of bed that first year after your husband's death.
It was beyond anything imaginable to bury your infant and leave her grave site.

You might feel that you need permission to let it all go, to know that it's OK for you to let it go, and to know that you will HEAL faster if you let it go. Getting rid of these hard things will open up room for the future and present, and can be a wonderful, cathartic closure to that difficult time you experienced. And you will NOT show disrespect to the departed by getting rid of the things they left behind: you are showing disrespect to their memory and to yourself by keeping things you don't like and preventing someone alive RIGHT NOW from using and enjoying those things.

Honor the memory of the departed, honor the memories of your past, honor your accomplishments by choosing to let go of the things you don't use or love. Give those things away so that they may be used and enjoyed once again.

You can even create some ceremony around getting rid of the hard stuff. You might want to ask a friend over for coffee and support as you pack up the baby gear. You might wish to journal about what you're letting go of, how you feel, what it represents. Write a poem: no one has to read it except you, and it doesn't have to rhyme. Go for a long hike in the woods. Don't be embarrassed by whatever ceremony you feel you need in order to let go of what's holding you back. I prayed for the next bride who would wear my hand-sewn-by-me wedding dress, and I was finally able to let it go.

And you know what? You will become stronger with each difficult thing you are able to release.

YOU HAVE DONE DIFFICULT THINGS IN THE PAST AND THEY HAVEN'T DESTROYED YOU. Don't think that a box of china or an old piano are too hard for you to handle today.

Dealing with the hard stuff will strengthen your soul, honor your past, and free you to experience the abundant life you were created to live!